The Whats of Tolerance
What is tolerance?
Tolerance, according to The American Heritage Dictionary (1983), is “the capacity for or practice of recognizing and respecting the opinions, practices, or behavior of others” as well as “the capacity to endure hardship, pain, etc. (p 712)”. Tolerance is being able to be okay in an interaction with someone that we disagree with or that we are different from. It is also being able to remain functioning in a situation that we find really hard, challenging, or emotionally triggering.
What makes tolerance important?
Tolerance is important because this is the skill that allows us to be able to interact appropriately with other people in a positive, healthy, and respectful way. Tolerance also allows us to be able to maintain control of our bodies and our emotions while in situations that are challenging. Not being able or willing to tolerate others leads to hate and anger. Not being able to tolerate challenges, difficulties, adversities, and strong emotions leads people to quit when things get hard.
What are the limits to what people are willing to tolerate?
Everyone has limits and this is okay. It’s important to develop an understanding of what our limits are and ideally before we enter situations where we may come up against them. What we are willing to tolerate or not tolerate is a choice.
What are the limits to what you are able to tolerate?
Ability is different from will. Our abilities are what we are capable of and therefore are not choices. Although we do have a choice about how we respond to our limitations.
What are the challenges to being able to tolerate?
Challenges to being able to tolerate include when we are faced with differences including of opinions, beliefs, and values. Hate is a learned behavior and one of the biggest barriers to tolerance is not having learned the ability to be compassionate. It is never too late to learn these skills, however. It can be difficult to tolerate strong emotions because they are uncomfortable. Things that we find hard or challenging to understand (like a learning task or a work project) can be difficult to persevere through because it can be frustrating to not know how to do something or to have to work really hard to figure it out.
What makes tolerance different from condoning?
When we condone something, we agree with it and believe that it is something that is okay. Tolerance is different from agreeing. When we tolerate something, we are acknowledging that while we may not agree with it we do respect the right of someone else to.
What prevents people from being tolerant of others?
Oftentimes it is because we are choosing not to. And sometimes it is because we are missing a skill or a level of knowledge or understanding. Sometimes it is because we have learned to be intolerant.
What to do to improve tolerance?
Learn. About yourself. About others. About coping skills. When we develop our abilities to cope, we develop our abilities to:
Persevere when something gets hard.
Listen to someone to hear them out whether or not we agree with what they are saying.
Engage in effective back and forth communication.
Identify how we are feeling emotionally and be able to help ourselves to use coping skills, tools, and strategies to be okay.
Create a better world for our children and future generations.