The And Captures the Middle

Introduction

And is a beautiful word because of all it can do and all it can encompass.  Sometimes it really is the smallest words that pack the most.  Grammatically, and functions as a coordinating conjunction used to link two words or concepts together.  Brilliant in its simplicity, and captures the middle to build connections.  Picture a beach for a moment- could be the one you’ve always wanted to visit or it could be your favorite seaside spot.  People often ask when going to the beach “is the tide in or out?”  Granted, the water level can be at either of those two locations, however there are so many more possible descriptors of where exactly the tide is at any given moment on any given day.  There are also astronomically high and low tides to consider.  The tide ebbs and it flows.  The and in this instance encompasses all of the possibilities of where exactly the water line is at the beach.  As with the tide, so to with all manner of things.  This leads us into the concept of absolute thinking.  Let’s take a closer look.

Absolute Thinking Defined

Absolute thinking is a pattern of thought in which thoughts are structured with terms, phrases, and words that leave no room for other possibilities.  Also known as either/or and black and white thinking, when we think in absolutes we are unable to see, recognize, or acknowledge any middle ground or alternative possibilities.  This has substantial impacts on how a person functions.

Absolute Thinking’s Impact on Anxiety

Absolute thinking is both a symptom and a contributor to anxiety.  Anxiety causes us to think that one, worst-case scenario is the only possible scenario in a situation which fuels the anxiety state further.  One thought can lead into another and before you know it, you are down the anxiety rabbit hole.

Absolute Thinking’s Impact on Relationships

Absolute thinking limits breadth of thought.  When we are not able to think openly, our ability to take other perspectives and empathize with others is impacted.  This then has a significant impact on our relationships with others. 

Absolute Thinking’s Impact on Beliefs and Actions

Absolute thinking and the narrowing of possibilities that comes along with this pattern leaves us unable to consider alternatives.  We become stuck in our beliefs as being the only possibilities.  Beliefs and thoughts link closely with our actions.  How we think impacts both how we feel and what actions we take.  Actions are extremely important because they can support our beliefs and perceptions or challenge them.  The more narrowly we think about something, the more narrow our potential actions are.  Having patterns of absolute thinking is often what leads to prejudiced thoughts and discriminatory actions.

Why a Focus on And is Critical

So why focus on And instead of the Or that comes with absolute thinking patterns?  Because And allows us to see the middle as well as all of the possibilities that are within it.  There are instances where something is an or, for example 2+2=4.  If you put any other number other than 4 after the equals sign, it is wrong.  Only 4 is right.  When the tide is high, it is all the way in and when the tide is low, it is all the way out.  This is an or- it’s high tide or low tide.  But this is also where things get a bit more complicated.  It’s not as simple as it may seem at first.  If we are stuck in absolute thinking patterns, we only view the high tide or low tide.  But when we think with healthy thought patterns, we are able to see the and in between high and low tide.  Because while there are absolutes here of high and low, there are also lots of other points the water may be at in between as it ebbs and flows. 

Thinking with the use of and allows us to see all of the possibilities.  It allows us to see things from other perspectives and points of view.  And allows us to think, feel, and act in a healthy and well manner as well as in one that is kind, compassionate, and respectful towards others.  There is a place for Or- there are times and situations where it is an either/or, and sometimes things are a never, always, or forever.  When we get stuck thinking that these are the onlys, a pattern of absolute thinking, this is where the trouble begins.  Noticing when this is occurring, pausing for a moment to check in with your thoughts, and then thinking about if this is an Or situation or if it might be better with an And allows you to thrive.