When Avoidance is Okay

The COVID state of emergency in Massachusetts is about to be lifted.  At this time, a lot of people are experiencing what feels like a surprising increase in anxiety.  It’s actually a very understandable and healthy reaction to pending changes.  It’s also brought up a lot of questions about when avoidance is okay.

Avoidance of something means we stay away from it, and is a very powerful defense mechanism and coping strategy for managing anxiety as well as other strong emotional reactions or experiences.  Like any coping skill, it can be something that is helpful when it is used intentionally.  The problem with avoidance is that it works so well, that it can become the only coping skill that people rely on.  When we default to avoidance as the only strategy for coping, we can end up beginning to avoid more and more until our life begins to resemble a very small box.  Is avoidance a strategy to be avoided then?  No, not necessarily.

Like many things, avoidance is a strategy to use in moderation and with intention.  Avoidance of an anxiety trigger can be very helpful as a short-term method for coping such as while someone is working on processing a traumatic event or anxiety producing situation to gain insight and understanding into their fear.  Avoidance can also be helpful when used in the short-term when there are many elements of healing that need to occur and doing so all at once is not possible or not the best idea.  Avoidance is also used as a part of the process of desensitization.  A method for overcoming fear, desensitization is a therapeutic process where a person slowly confronts a fear working one small step at a time.  The steps in the process are best determined together with a helping professional who may also be able to support a person in going through them.  Each small step encourages a person to safely confront a fear while maintaining calm through the use of coping skills.  As each step becomes easy, the person moves up to the next step and confronts more of the fear until they reach the full feared situation and are able to manage the fear while in it.  In this process, the goal is to challenge a little more than what a person feels they are able to do and then back away to take the pressure off by avoiding the fear.  In this way, the brain is rewired in a process referred to as plasticity.  While engaged in this process, people often avoid the higher levels of the process that would cause an overwhelming amount of fear. 

Avoidance is generally something to be avoided as a coping mechanism, however like many things it can it have its place when used with intention and purpose.  The urge to avoid something is our survival center making an attempt to keep us safe and well.  We don’t want to ignore this as it is useful information.  We also don’t want to automatically react to it without thought because this is how a pattern begins and how that pattern can become a problem. 

So as we begin to re-open, resume, or begin a new as COVID restrictions are lifted, it’s important to be mindful that the process of gaining emotional comfort and calm can take some time.  Your timeline may look different from your friends or neighbors, and that is okay.  Give yourself permission to go at the pace that you are comfortable with and feel safe in.  Using avoidance with intention can help you through.