Preparing for the New Normal

“The only thing constant in life is change.” -Heraclitus

As we begin re-opening more and more, there is a lot to indicate that the “normal” we have been so very much looking forward to “getting back to” is in fact going to be a “new” normal.  In counseling practice over the last several years, I have heard this phrase referenced in more and more settings.  It is used by individuals adjusting to a myriad of life’s changes, and as I sit here thinking over how I am going to go about practicing counseling in the near and far future, I remember hearing my Dad saying the only thing constant is change.  At the time, I didn’t know he was quoting a Greek philosopher.  I just knew that I didn’t like what I was hearing.  As I’ve grown, I have become one who can often be found fighting and simultaneously advocating for change.  A juxtaposition?  Well, yes.  Yes, I am.  As I find, are most of us.

When faced with changes, we have a choice.  Yes, that’s right.  We do in fact always have choices.  Doing nothing and just waiting for things to happen is a choice.  Taking the reins of change and swinging ourselves into the saddle galloping full tilt at the next adventure is a choice.  Refusing to budge is a choice.  All actions or inactions in between are choices.  We cannot control the choices of others or the situations in which we find ourselves.  We can, however, control how we choose to react and respond to those and how we respond determines how we are going to be from a mental wellness perspective.

We are going to be “going back” to a new normal.  We will have to keep our distances from others in order to support the safety and wellbeing of all.  This is going to have an impact on how everything we are used to doing is going to be done.  Many of us were sent kicking and screaming into a world of working virtually, and an equal many of us have discovered that it definitely has its benefits and can be rather fun.  I have not felt this creative in a long time!  Getting to expand my horizons for me means an expansion of opportunities.  I’m not 100% certain that I will be returning to the way things were done, and I’m also not 100% certain that I would want to.

The old normal had a lot that was not working.  How many of you have at one time or another over the past several years complained about not getting to spend as much time as you wanted to doing things that were more important to you because work and all of its various accompaniments simply got in the way?  The impacts on our environment were tremendous!  Have you looked out your window at the clean-looking air?  School personnel for years have been concerned about over-crowding in classrooms.  Our medical system has been short-staffed or non-existent in some places and is funded by a convoluted system of insurance coverages.  COVID-19 has pointed out flaws.  And these are flaws that should not simply go back to the way things were just so we can remain comfortable in not having to face the fear that comes along with change.

Dislike of change stems from fear.  Fear causes us to be wary of anything different because we are not sure what to expect.  You may not like the outcome of the way something has always been done, but you know what to expect so you go along with it because the unknown is the cause of anxiety.  Anxiety at its core is the fear of the unknown.  We are all experiencing some level of anxiety right now because there are a lot of unknowns, many of which are tremendously important.

So how do we prepare for an unknown new normal?  We breathe.  We act kindly and respectfully towards others because we are all experiencing some level of fear and anxiety right now.  We breathe some more.  And we find healthy ways to gain acceptance that there is no going back.  There is only going forward.  Thinking that if we keep doing everything the way we have always done things and that we can go back to exactly what was is a false reality-thought that anxiety has given you.  It is not actually a reality thought and therefore is not helpful to you.  Do not be fooled!

Again, breathe.  It is going to be okay- somehow and someway.  You don’t have to like it, and it likely will not be easy with some aspects of it being harder than others.  Hold onto hope, even if it is not specific (for example, the current hope that I am holding onto is looking forward to eventually being able to use re-usable bags and being able to actually walk into my favorite bookstore and yarnstore).  Sometimes we have to wait.  We have to sit with the emotions that are uncomfortable in those periods and use effective coping skills for managing.  This is what we can do.  We cannot control the future or know for sure exactly how everything is going to unfold and when.  By focusing solely on when things are going to happen, we are missing the moments we are in.  And while some of these moments are hard and discouraging, other moments are filled with beauty and possibility. 

So, the long and short of how we prepare for a new normal begins with accepting that there is going to be one and that we not able to know right now exactly what that is going to look like.  Breathe, and take one step at a time.  Practice kindness and compassion towards yourself and towards others.  Fear is not the enemy to be avoided at all costs.  Fear is an emotion that we need to be able to handle appropriately and effectively.  Change is a constant.  You don’t have to like it; but you will be better if you can accept it.