Push Through or Pull Back?

When faced with a challenge, be it a task or an emotion, the choice of whether to push through or pull back can feel like a monumental decision.  It’s not always an easy choice to make; can be sometimes but not always.  Read on for some ideas to consider when making the call.

Factor One: Ask yourself- am I avoiding something?

            Avoidance is something everyone does at some point.  Not all avoidance is bad.  Sometimes it can be helpful to avoid something.  There are a few key points to really consider when thinking about whether avoidance is helpful or something that is ultimately getting in the way.  Avoidance is a very effective solution- if we don’t find ourselves in a situation that is hard or produces uncomfortable emotions, then we don’t have to deal with the hard or uncomfortable.  When used intentionally as part of a plan that includes other elements designed to support healing and growth, avoidance can be very helpful.  There is however, a catch.  Because avoidance works so well, it can be very easy for it to become a pattern and our only way of coping.  This is when problems develop.  If we avoid something forever, we never overcome and what’s worse is we never learn that we are capable.  And over time, we start to avoid more and more until our life becomes about the size of a small cardboard box.  Not a way to live. 

            So what to do?  If you find yourself with the urge to get out or avoid altogether, pause for a moment and think if this is something that has happened frequently or if this is the first time.  Take a look at what you are feeling emotionally and physically.  Honestly and without judgment check in to see about these factors and then think about how avoiding in this moment is helping you in the big picture.  As part of the big picture, do you need to push through the situation using coping skills to help you manage or do you need to exit the situation?

Factor Two: What can I gain from my action?

            It can be hard to know exactly what we will gain or how something will be helpful to us until after a situation is over.  While we may not be able to make guaranteed predictions, if we stop to consider for a moment what potential consequences (positive and negative) may come about, we stand a better chance of making an intentional choice that has positive outcomes than if we act impulsively having given a situation no thought at all.  Using coping skills, supports, and strategies for helping ourselves to get through a tough or difficult situation has the potential to teach a lot of experiential lessons as well as boosting our confidence in ourselves and our capabilities.  There is something to be said for the age-old saying of “if at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.”  There is also something to be said for Einstein’s definition of insanity (trying something the same way over and over again expecting a different result). 

            Sometimes, situations and emotions are uncomfortable.  Being able to tolerate discomfort is an essential life skill.  Not everything is sunshine, unicorns, and rainbows.  Sometimes things are cloudy, chimeras, and hurricanes.  And lots of possibilities in between those extremes!  The point is, everybody faces challenges, barriers, hardships, and emotions we don’t like to feel.  Sometimes we do need to walk away in order to gain perspective, take care of emotions, and solve a situation.  Sometimes, pulling back becomes our best option.  Other times, there is more to be gained from the struggle and the discomfort of remaining in a situation.  This is a proverbial grey area.  These situations fall into the category of not having a clear right/wrong course of action, but rather a right for you.  Take the time to realize that you do in fact have choices, and then consider what those options are.  With consciousness, conscientiousness, and intention make the decision that is the best fit for you.

Factor Three: Do I need some help figuring this out?

            Sometimes you will be able to think all of this through on your own.  Sometimes you won’t.  There will likely also be times when you wish there was someone to be able to help you figure it out, but we do not always have access to supports.  Each of us as individuals are the only people with ourselves 24-7-365.  Build the skills you need to support yourself and also build a support system that you can rely on.  Very rarely are there situations that do not have space for us to be able to pause to consider.  There are life or death situations, but most often we experience situations that trigger our anxiety into making our brains believe that we have to make an instantaneous choice right away.  That voice in your head saying you have to decide right now is anxiety talking.  Tell it to hold on for a moment, take a breath (literally, take a breath), and then think.  If you have supports available, utilize them.  If you don’t have supports available, grab a pen or pencil and a piece of paper and write it out.  This helps our brains to slow down and to process.  Remember to think beyond the immediate situation and think from the big picture perspective.

Factor Four: How will my choice help me?

            The only way forward is through.  Figuring out how to manage fear and overcome it; how to grow and strengthen skills; knowing when to pull back and try again differently; determining a change in course is needed.  Time moves forward.  We move forward- just not necessarily in a straight line.  The choices we make influence the course our lives take.  Thinking about how a particular choice will help you is a way to empower yourself and to help you consider your options.

So, do you push through or pull back?  Ultimately, this is a question that only you can answer.