Why Choice is So Important for Facing Fears and Healing
Choice is huge! It is empowering. Having a choice and making a choice gives us a sense of having control. Remembering that a choice is always present, even when it does not seem to be there, is also huge. Regaining a sense of choice in situations where fear is present can be a big step in the healing process.
When we feel fear, there is often a sense of being paralyzed and unable to do anything. It is a power-sucking feeling that when experienced enough can lead us to stop engaging in activities that we enjoy. Eventually, if we stop engaging in enough of these activities we start giving into avoiding more and more until eventually we can find ourselves with the existence about the size of a small cardboard box. It’s no way to live. In facing the things we fear, we regain the ability to do the things we need and want to do. The process of facing and overcoming fear can be a hard one and can take a long time. A key concept in the process is regaining the belief and understanding that we do in fact have a choice.
To face a fear or not face a fear, that is the true question we must ask ourselves. In asking ourselves this question, we are giving ourselves a choice. Do I face it at all? Do I face it enough to be able to do what I need or want to do? Do I face it to the point where the fear is conquered? An example of this may be helpful so let’s take a closer look. Read on…
I am afraid of snakes. Don’t like them, would prefer never to be around them, and with respect to those out there who do love snakes, I personally would be totally fine if they just stopped existing. The fear is there and the fear is real. Now, I love to hike. Spending time outdoors, seeing things you can only get to on foot, slowing down to a walking pace from the usual hustle of everyday, the amazing views that can be seen along the way, and the feeling of accomplishment that comes from reaching the pinnacle of the trail and then again when you complete the hike is something truly amazing. Some of the places that I have hiked and would like to hike are home to various types of snakes. Here is where the choice element starts to come in. If I want to hike, I have to face the fear of snakes in order to do something I love to do. So, I have chosen to face the fear enough to be able to hike and enjoy the way. But you will not find me holding a snake at a reptile show and in fact folks you will likely never see me present at a reptile show. I have chosen to face the fear enough to be able to do what I need/want to do and that’s it.
Now, another fear that I used to have was a fear of goats. I got jumped on when I was a young child and ever since then had been afraid of goats. Didn’t like to be around them, avoided it completely. Skipped that part of petting zoos and backyard farms as much as possible. Fast forward to adulthood and a partial lifetime of me choosing to avoid something. I move onto property that is about 2.2 acres, about 2 acres of which is covered in poison ivy. For me to fulfill my full dream, that needs to go. So, while everyone was getting pandemic puppies, I looked into getting goats. I looked into breeds, behaviors, training, care, the whole nine yards. I was afraid, but my allergy to poison ivy and the power of my dreams were stronger than the fear and led me to start making a different choice. I adopted two baby Nigerian dwarf goats and the moment that one of the baby goats was placed in my arms, the fear just melted away. The original choice to avoid goats worked until it didn’t and then I made a different choice.
Having the choice makes all the difference. Recognizing and realizing that we do have a choice is powerful and impactful. There are fears you will choose to face, fears you will choose to partially face, and fears that you may decide never to face. But remembering that it is your choice will play a large role in your healing process no matter what you end up deciding to do. So remember, you do in fact have a choice and it is in fact yours to make.