What Does Tolerance Mean to You?
Today is the International Day of Tolerance and this seems a poignant moment to write about tolerance. What is tolerance? What makes it important? Why is it something that is often given lip service only?
To tolerate something is to cope with discomfort and hardship or to allow a deviation from a standard. This can be something that is done on a micro level (meaning something that impacts and is extended only towards one person such as tolerating physical pain) or a macro level (meaning something that impacts and is extended towards a group of people such as being able to have a conversation with someone who has different beliefs or life experiences than you do). There are many types of tolerance that are talked about that fit into one or both of these categories. We learn coping skills for developing frustration tolerance. A tantrumming child has low frustration tolerance. A child learning how to tie shoes, trying over and over again as he or she perseveres towards mastery of the skill has high frustration tolerance. This extends to adults as well. Someone who yells and screams at a cashier when a price is not what was expected has low tolerance while someone who is able to engage in a conversation about the price tag and perceived sale prices is demonstrating high frustration tolerance.
Tolerance to a large extent is taught. Like many taught skills, some people have a certain natural aptitude towards the skill that makes it easier for them to develop it. But these skills can absolutely be learned. And this skill in particular is of the utmost importance. Tolerance is a basic building block that moves us towards acceptance and ultimately being able to accept differences, engage in conversation around them, celebrate them, and be able to look past differences to what makes us similar is what will allow us all to blossom and bloom.
Tolerance, like many skills, is not a one and done- meaning it is a process that winds and weaves through experiences that we face. It is tested, sometimes pushed to its max, and sometimes we find that we aren’t dealing with something the way we need or want to. It’s hard. When we are stressed, we may find that we lose some of our ability to tolerate things that usually would not be too big of a deal. Self-care becomes hugely important as does the use of coping skills for managing emotions. We also need a certain level of self-awareness and a willingness to engage in the hard work that is sometimes connected to personal growth. There are also going to be certain things that we are unable to tolerate. The imperative aspect of this, however, is making sure that what we are unable to tolerate does not leave us inadvertently or directly harming someone else. It’s tricky, and there is not necessarily one answer that is always true. Be mindful of absolutes; they will trip you up at every opportunity.
What does tolerance mean to you? How would you define this concept? What makes it so important? I encourage you to take a moment and begin to answer these questions for yourself.