The Parental Reality of 2020
Being a parent in 2020 has come to be synonymous with being a teacher. This has presented some struggles for families as they adjust to the new normal of living during an international pandemic. If you are finding being a homeschool parent a challenge, you are not alone! Remember that fact; it’s important!
In many ways, you have always been a teacher to your child. Every interaction that you have had with your children from birth to their current ages and stages has helped to shape them. You were likely the one reading to them at bedtime, going on outdoor adventures with them, making dinners together, and any number of other possibilities over the years. You have it in you; you’ve done it before. Yes, the teaching that you are being asked to do right now is different from what your role was before and so it becomes about managing expectations. Your child’s school is not expecting that you are going to miraculously mold your children into Einstein’s and Marie Curie’s over these weeks of school closure. If what you can do today is keep your children alive and safe, that is enough. If what you can do today is keep your children alive and safe and you have the ability to do a bit more, read on for some ideas of things that may help. Do not berate yourself if all you can manage in a day is to keep your children alive and safe. This truly is enough.
Children respond really well to routine and structure so create a routine and a structure for your day. You can model it after their school schedule. Maybe look at what specials/electives they have different days of the week and plan an activity around that special. For example, if your child has art on Mondays and gym on Tuesdays, consider having an art activity for Monday and some physical activity time on Tuesday. Each day should have a beginning, a middle, and an end. Remember that free time and time for unstructured play are crucial times for everyone to take breaks and for children to be able to process and explore concepts they are contemplating or experiencing. Remember that, especially for young children, play is their language. If you keep an eye on what they are playing and how they are playing, you can get a good sense for what they are experiencing and trying to tell you about. Have a morning routine, a school time routine, an afternoon/evening routine, and a bedtime routine. The more you stick to it, the easier it will be to stick to and the more your children will respond to it. Structure and routine help children to know they are safe. They need that on a regular day and they really need that on irregular days.
Create space in each day for everyone to get some outside time and some movement time. Movement can be inside doing an obstacle course through your living room or dancing to some upbeat/favorite music. Movement can also be combined with your outside time. You can certainly create an obstacle course or some dance time outside or take a recess model and just let your children take the reins for running around and game creation. Go for a walk if you live somewhere where it is safe to do so. If you live in an apartment and all you have access to is a balcony or a window that opens, remember what we established above: all you can do is what you can do and that is good enough.
The expectations for performance academically have been adjusted based on the closures of school buildings. What your child was expected to be able to do in any kind of measure has changed. So make sure that you relax as well! Again, you are not expected to support your child to become Einstein, Marie Curie, or a top scoring SAT scholar. Completing projects (including helping you with projects around the house by the way) can all be learning opportunities and learning is more important than grades. If you are feeling like you need some help in helping your children, reach out to their teachers or check out an online resource like Khan Academy. And if you need a break from teaching, take a break from teaching. Chances are your children will be needing some breaks from learning, too.
Be as strict about limiting screen time as you would be during a regular school day and perhaps consider being even more strict. Screens stimulate brain activity and can create an overstimulation of a brain very easily. By limiting screen time and encouraging other activities you are supporting healthy functioning and will be preventing a lot of meltdown and tantrum behaviors that you would otherwise have to deal with.
Watch the nutritional intake of your children as well. This is not a vacation, so excess amounts of sugar and sweets or processed foods will not be helpful. Making sure that everyone, again to the best of your ability, has access and is eating healthy foods with nutritional values that support getting all of the various types of nutrients needed for body/brain functioning can only help.
Do fun things together. Play boardgames or imagination games. Play with Legos or dolls or trucks or stuffed animals or any other toys you have. If you have young children and have room in your home to set up centers similar to the ones found in preschools, this will help, too. Read books together and maybe even write some of your own together. All of the time that you are getting to spend together with your children is relationship building time. Take advantage of that!
Be mindful of having the news on. Too much information is not good for anybody. Children won’t understand everything they are hearing but will try to. If they have questions about something, answer them in a developmentally appropriate way (meaning very limited information to someone who is say 3, while perhaps going into more of a discussion with your 16 year old). Also, be aware of your own mental health. If you are stressed out, locked onto your phone/tablet, and are experiencing rising anxiety levels, this will have an impact on your children’s functioning. They are taking their cues from you so be aware of what you are modeling for them.
Maintain the limits and boundaries for acceptable behavior that you would hold your children to during regular times. Children feel safe when there are limits and boundaries that are present consistently. You may find your children testing these limits more often which is a way that children ensure that those boundaries are in fact there and that they are in fact safe. RESIST the urge to allow things to be okay that you would not normally. When times are hard, letting go of the boundaries in an effort to support children is the opposite of what they need.
Take time every day to tell your children that you love them! Being together 24-7 is absolutely hard and very different from how we are used to being. It can be easy to forget to let the people we love know that we do during these times because our heads are so filled with everything else that is new and different that we have to do. Make it a point to say “I love you” to each child every day. It is important and it will make a difference! When children know that they are loved and cared for, they are much more likely to be able to feel safe and also to follow all of those new directions that you are having to give them right now.
And lastly, remember that you are not alone! If you are feeling like you are in over your head, are feeling overwhelmed, or just are not sure what to do- you are not alone. Take a step back, take a break, walk away. These are actions that are in no way an admission of defeat but instead are a recognition that this is hard for you, too. If you are feeling like you need support in doing all of the things that you are being asked to do, identify what the help is and reach out for support.